>i feel like i’ve been losing my mind lately. it’s true, school did just start a week ago, but my brain shouldn’t be gone this early in the game! i have a lot of writing to grade already (the pain of being an english teacher, ugh), but i have had absolutely NO motivation to do any of it. i know i need to: for the kids to get immediate feedback, for parents to know how their kids are doing, for my own sanity, but for some reason i just can’t handle it right now. i go home and all i want to do is read a book! i’ve been rereading books recently instead of grading simply because it’s what i’d prefer to do.
i feel like i need to have my mom standing above me checking my work, like she did when i was in sixth grade and didn’t do any of the math homework for a quarter and i had to make it all up in a week. ick. my goal is this: finish grading all of the first essays by Friday by the end of my prep period (6th). i’ll let you know how i did then…but for now, no books or blogging! let’s do this!
What a joy it was to have two weeks off. Besides traveling a bit, reading fifty unfortunate freshmen essays (they haven’t quite figured out the difference between analysis and an extended summary…it’s the goal by the end of the year!), exhausting myself on the Wii Fit, and planning the next month for my two classes, I GOT TO READ!!! It was amazing to just curl up in bed or on the couch, or even just stand in the kitchen and get lost in a book. There were two things that struck me profoundly while reading the two books that I got via amazon.com 2 months ago (!). The first book, Piece de Resistance, by Sandra Byrd, was good and satisfied my longing to know what happened with Lexi and her lovely life. However, the second, Love Starts with Elle, by Rachel Hauck, just really struck me in two ways.
Elle wakes up at 7am daily to pray with an elderly lady and she learns to listen to God. I want to listen to and actually hear God. I never spend time just still before him and I so miss that and long for it. Would waking up thirty minutes early actually kill me? Probably, for the first two weeks or so. But is an extra half hour of sleep more important to me than growing with my God? Somedays, I may let myself be deceived and think so, but deep down, I know that with self-discipline, I can do it. I want to. Thanks, to both God and Rachel Hauck, for planting this desire within me again.
The second thing that struck me was Elle’s love for painting. She was scared of the critics and didn’t have the time. I know that I am “busy” in that I always have something else to do for school. I can always get more ready for the upcoming weeks, I can always grade a couple more papers, I can always email parents. There’s always something else. But, I don’t want to let my job consume me. I want to do a good job, but always doing more and more is not more important than my sanity. I want to pursue my love for writing like Elle pursues her love for painting. I think though, that with that, comes time to just let my mind relax. I need that. And I think by letting myself not become overworked that I don’t have time to read and write is dangerous for me. I know that I can better manage my time and even get my reading and writing time “out of the way” before my husband gets home from work.
So those, I guess I could say, are my New Years’ resolutions. My time is limited, but I want to actively choose what is important to me…God, and in many ways, seeing God in fiction while reading and writing.
Whew. It’s nice to have all this out! It’s time to hop in bed with The Will of Wisteria by Denise Hildreth…an oldie but a goodie. Good night 🙂