Rude.

Confession: I’m super rude.  I think terrible things about people and I judge them.  I laughed to myself when a kid’s voice cracked a bunch in class today.  Seriously, I’m a jerk.  Ugh.

It’s frustrating and hard, and the worst part (well, maybe not, I’m still figuring this out) was that I was rude to my husband today.  He seems to get the brunt of my ickiness.  Sorry, sweet husband.

I texted my friend and said that I was grouchy (a mild description, as I was really just being bitchy) and she texted back these words:

We’re all rude.  Grace is hard, man.

Ugh, why is grace so hard?  And why are we so terrible to the people who love us most?  I’m torn, because I think it’s awful to be jerks to the people who love us.  But I also think it’s equally as awful to be jerks to the people in the world we don’t know or love.  I definitely don’t show them love.

I watched a video today and I felt like I was going to be physically ill.  I don’t know if I’ve ever had that reaction before.  This man was going off about “God” and I just about barfed on my school-issued laptop (wouldn’t that be fun to explain to the principal?).  I thought terrible things about this man and I wanted to punch him.  I actually felt that, if he were in the room, I would have the desire to physically hurt the guy.  How scary is that?

I was sorely disappointed in myself today for many reasons:

  1. Wanting to punch Mr. Fundamentalist Jerk.
  2. Being frustrated at the bike rack lady from Craigslist that forgot to show up.
  3. Teasing kids in my head as they acted their age.
  4. Getting mad at my husband for something completely out of his control.
  5. Being a judgmental driver.
  6. Praying that God would smack Mr. Fundamentalist Jerk in the face.

What is it with me and OC Supertones’ lyrics?  I still love them dearly.  As I was writing this post, my Pandora station of Five Iron Frenzy began playing the Supertones’ “Jury Duty” and it struck me.

I don’t always thank you for the rough days and
The hard times in my life
Even though I should

What does it look like to thank God for the rough days and the hard times in life?  What does grace look like for daily life?  I wish I were better at that.

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One response

  1. my favorite part of this entry: “praying that God would smack Mr. Fundamentalist Jerk in the face.” definitely done that before… (although i admit i didn’t watch your video… if you’re saying it was bad, i’ll believe you.)

    grace is hard. and we are all jerks despite the amazing and undeserved gift of grace.

    i love you. despite your jerky nature. =]

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